Growing in Grace

Insecurity: Two Myths & Two Traps

2010-10-16T19:55:00.013-04:00

There are two myths that we need to debunk and two traps we need to avoid when it comes to insecurity.

Myth #1: Married women have fewer insecurities than single women. When discussing this with my Sunday School class there was mutual agreement that we feel like we battle insecurity more. Being a wife and a mother can place us in an entirely different arena with insecurity than single women. If a woman is in a bad marriage, that alone can place them in another realm that single women don't have to deal with. If you are single, don't believe the myth that married women have less insecurity than single women.

Myth #2: People who have it all together or who appear to have it all together do not battle insecurity. This is a myth that must be exposed. Beth Moore tells us that "making assumptions about who struggles with insecurity and who doesn't based on what they appear to have going for them suggests how little we understand the nature of insecurity and what feeds it." Just because a woman is attractive does not mean she does not battle insecurity. There is a lot of pressure and emotional energy that is required to keep appearances up. We are skilled at building (and maintaining) facades. But behind each facade there may be an injured soul that is desperately trying to cover that hurt and their insecurity.

To sum up the two myths:

Don't covet what someone else has
Be careful how you judge
Be slow to size someone up and think you know all about her type
Stop comparing yourself to others. You are being unfair to yourself.

Two traps to avoid:

1. Be careful that you don't step into the trap of placing your security in something that gives a false positive. What is a false positive? It is the one thing that you think would make you more secure in all things. Here are some examples: If I were skinny then I would feel secure in all things; if I were pretty then I would feel secure in all things; if I had money then I would feel secure in all things; if I had power or prestige then I would feel secure in all things. I hope you are getting the picture by now.

Let me give you a personal example of the definition of false positive. In December of 1988, I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. This was my first pregnancy and my husband and I were very excited. I had the "thrill" of having morning sickness every day and being very sensitive to smells. When it was time for my monthly visit to my OB/GYN, we were going to listen to the babies heart beat for the first time. It was disappointing and scary when we didn't hear it. The doctor said we may be off on our calculations and I was to come back in a few weeks to try again. However, around the first of February, I began to spot and in a couple of days, I had miscarried. The doctor told me I had a blighted ovum. It was a false positive. My body told me I was pregnant but no fetus was developing. The body naturally knows to abort what is not really there.

The same is true with insecurity. When you put your security in any earthly thing, you simply cannot keep it. It will fade and another insecurity will rise up. God's truth needs to eclipse every false positive.

2. Be careful that you don't step into the trap of fighting like a mad dog to keep the false positive in place. One simple piece of advice: Let it go! I know, it's simple, but so very hard to do. But please remember, you are surrendering a lie to gain the truth!

Don't believe the lies and don't fall into the trap of putting your security into a false positive. It can't last and it is not worth the emotional energy to try to keep it in place. Find what your false positive is and ask God to help you to put your security in someone that is eternal: God.
You are a beautiful treasure. If you look into the eyes of the One who created you, you will see His love and a perfect reflection of your true worth.

Adapted from Beth Moore's book, "So Long Insecurity.."

Defining Insecurity

2010-09-21T15:25:00.005-04:00

Since we have been talking about insecurity, it is now time to define it. What does insecurity mean and how does it manifest itself in our lives?

Self-doubt - we doubt ourselves and we doubt God. Surely, we know ourselves better than God does? "He wouldn't like me if He knew all about me."
Uncertainty about our basic worth - what is our place in this world?
Chronic self-consciousness - a preoccupation with self; pride and self-centeredness plays a big part.
Lack of confidence in ourselves
Constant fear of rejection
Self-sabotage

As you can tell, insecurity can cover a wicked spectrum of emotions. Insecurity can be so pervasive that it seeps into almost every area of our lives and affects (or "infect""?) - our relationships, our values, our perspectives, and our occupation.

How would you define insecurity and how does it manifest itself in your life?

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

*adapted from "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore

Our Source of Value

2010-09-16T18:23:00.007-04:00

Ladies, have you ever noticed that we tend to look to others for our sense of value? We especially put a tremendous amount of pressure on men. Think with me about the different ways we do that. We want them to notice us, to compliment us, and to connect with us. We put high expectations on them to meet our need to feel loved, valued, desirable and worthy of notice?

If we look to men to complete us or define us, it will inevitably lead to hurt and disappointment. Beth Moore says, "something's wrong with us for us to value ourselves so little." Men will fail us because they are oblivious to the inordinate amount of weight we give to their estimation of us. It is unrealistic to expect men to be in charge of our sense of value. This is one of the reasons why many women have men-issues. We are either obsessed with receiving affirmation from them or we nurse a grudge against them. The bottom line is that men are not to blame for our problems and it is wrong for us to separate ourselves from them emotionally in order to survive.

The ability to grasp and hold on to acceptance, approval, and affirmation for our entire lives is very difficult because life is hard. We all have experienced circumstances that bring abrupt changes into our lives and cause setbacks. How about a job change? Betrayal? Tragedies? Marriage? Children? Health issues? Offenses? How about the many times we condemn ourselves? I can't count the number of times I have berated myself because I wasn't handling a situation better or I hadn't conquered something quick enough. These things can leave you feeling inept, inadequate and hopeless. I don't know about you but I don't enjoy feeling like an idiot.

So, what do we do? Where do we go from here? How do we get rid of insecurity? Can we learn to be okay if no one tells us that we are beautiful, desirable or captivating? That is what we are going to learn over the weeks ahead. I do know this: we must be willing to fight this enemy to its death. I know I am and I pray that you are to.

The Lord your God is with you,
He is might to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

Thoughts adapted from Beth Moore's book, "So Long, Insecurity".

An Epidemic

2010-09-06T17:58:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, I began teaching our ladies Sunday School class. We are using Beth Moore's book "So Long, Insecurity you've been a bad friend to us" as our text. I am thankful to God for using Beth Moore to address this issue that is epidemic among women. I am also looking forward to what God is going to do in our lives over the weeks ahead. So, let's buckle our seat belts and go on a journey, that I pray, with God's help and the encouragement of each other, we will find victory over insecurity.

What does insecurity do to us? Beth Moore puts it this way, "Insecurity makes us miserable. It cripples us. It makes fools of us and it makes us feel worthless." Wow! Not a very pretty picture. Insecurity can damage us and it is past time that we learn how to live our lives to the fullest. God's Word tells us that "He has come that we might have life and life more abundantly." Insecurity is a barrier to an abundant and joy-filled life.

Have you ever felt like you are the only one that battles insecurity? Our tendency is to look at others and make snap judgments like: "she is so pretty", "she is so popular", "look at how talented she is", "look at how smart she is", "I'm sure she doesn't feel insecure." Oh really?! This is a lie. You are not alone. The vast majority of women are drowning in insecurity.

The chances of just outgrowing insecurity are very slim. Insecurity can nag us all the days of our lives. Ladies, there is good news though. There is a cure for insecurity. "It won't go away without a fight. It won't go away quietly but it can go away." Isn't that exciting to know? We must be willing to face this problem head on. Since it is not going away quietly or without a fight, let's get ready to do battle. God has equipped us with truth that can change our lives. Let's be honest with ourselves and let's be willing to take on this challenge.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalms 139:13-16

P.S. I encourage you to: 1) read this Psalm everyday, 2) buy Beth Moore's book. It will be a blessing and a help to you.

No Substitution

2010-08-07T17:24:00.008-04:00

Two weeks ago, we had friends from Ohio come down and visit us. On Saturday night, I made a Texas Sheet cake. I have made this particular dessert several times before and I have never had any difficulties with it. However, this time, I was going to learn an important lesson.

I am a rule follower and when I bake or cook I must have directions to follow. I don't ad lib. I follow the directions...except for last weekend. I substituted butter for oleo. The first time I saw this recipe, I did not know what oleo was. I discovered that oleo is margarine, but I only had butter. It was late. I was tired. We still had a busy day on Sunday and my husband and daughter were leaving Monday morning for Detroit, Michigan. I didn't tell anyone that I needed margarine and just made a decision to use butter. I didn't think it would make that much difference.

My real troubles began when I started making the frosting. You have to melt a stick of margarine and then add cocoa and milk. The mixture then has to come to a boil. My butter, cocoa and milk was not coming to a boil. In fact, what eventually started happening was the butter started to separate. I finally gave up and threw it out. I didn't have any more butter or margarine, so I got another stick of butter from a neighbor. I went through the same process again with the same results.

I was so frustrated! What had been a relatively easy "just follow the recipe" process, felt like a disaster. With my husband's help, we eventually made it work, but I could tell it was just not the same.

The moral of the lesson - don't substitute. This applies to recipes in the kitchen and to God's recipe for life. Sometimes we are tempted to shortcut God's plan and substitute what we believe might be a better alternative, but this will always lead to life less than God's best for us! Follow God's plan. It will come out just right.

Are you thankful?

2010-07-03T14:26:00.010-04:00

Tomorrow is an important day in the lives of Americans. It is the day we celebrate the birth of our country and our freedom. Many have fought and died over the past 234 years so that Americans can have the opportunities that Thomas Jefferson penned in our Declaration of Independence:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

We have so much to be thankful for and we owe our thanks to those who have given their lives for us. They deserve our respect and our gratitude.

As a Christian, I also owe my thanks to the one who died and rose again so that I can have a different kind of freedom; freedom from the penalty of sin and freedom from spending eternity in hell. There is a song that says "I am free to run, I am free to dance, I am free to live forever; I am free..." I am thankful for the freedom that I have in Christ.

I also know that as an American and as a Christian that I must continue to be vigilant so that my freedom is not taken away. The tendency can be for us to get comfortable in our freedom. Galatians 5:1 says "Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage."(NKJV) I don't ever want to go back to the place where sin rules my life. I am proud to be a Christian and I am grateful for what Christ has done for me.

On this Fourth of July weekend, I would also declare that I am proud to be an American. I am so grateful for those who have given of themselves to protect this great country that I live in. You live out the final words that are written in our Declaration of Independence:

“And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor."

Completing the Task

2010-07-01T10:39:00.002-04:00

Some people find it hard to complete a task or they get so distracted that they have multiple, uncompleted tasks. I have one of those personalities where I can only do one thing at a time. I'm not good at multi-tasking. If I do find that I am "wandering" over to begin something else, I end up talking to myself. The conversation usually goes something like this, "No, no, no......go back to what you were doing. You can't start this till you finish what you were working on."

I was reading from Acts 20 and Paul writes these words: "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me --the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace." If there is one task we must be focused on and faithful to complete, it is the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.

You may have unfinished projects, but I encourage you today to be faithful to complete the task that God has given to His people: be a conduit of God's grace to others and be faithful to testify to the gospel of God's grace.

Ephesians 2:4,5,8,9 (New Living Translation)
"But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, He give us life when He raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God's grace that you have been saved).....God saved you by His grace when when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it."

This, my friends, is the gospel of grace that we have been tasked to tell others about. Let's get the job done.

God bless and have a great day!